Mr and Mrs Buck, a couple from Roswell USA, claim to have spotted and then been abducted by a lone Petronas bike said to be roaming the area and killing sheep.


Probed. Billy and Jolene Buck

Billy Buck, unemployed, told us “It was the weirdest thing I ever did see. It all started when I was outside in the garden having a crap in jon when I heard a weird rumbling sound. At first I thought it was a cow with dysentery or something but it kept getting louder and louder. It was then that I started to panic and called for my wife to get her fat ass outside and pass me my gun from the Chevy”.

“That’s right!” interrupted Jolene Buck, unemployed “I remember I was watching Jerry at the time when I heard Billy shouting my name. I rushed out to see what the hell he was yelling at to see the weirdest thing ever – I don’t even know how to explain it. It was like a pointy object that glowed in a strange sickly colour the like I’ve just never seen before, and it just floated by us.”

The pair then claimed to have been abducted and systematically probed by the mysterious machine later that night.

“We were so scared” sobbed Billy “It just seemed to go on all night. Probe after probe. I’ve even the scar tissue to prove it. It was far worse than the time Elvis came down on his Hover-Harley and beamed us away to his planet to be routinely gang probed.”


I want to believe. Is it? Or isn’t it?

A local pervert who happened to be passing nearby with his super-zoom camera was on hand to take a picture of the mystery machine as it flashed by. “I was trying to focus in on the bathroom of the Larson’s household” explained the perv “when suddenly this thing caught my eye – luckily I was fast enough to get a shot of it. I was very odd I can tell you.” The anonymous pervert also claims to have been gang probed by the mystery machine later that night.

But the Mayor of Roswell was less than impressed. “First the UFO crash in ’47, and now this. Where will it all end?”

However the US Government were quick to deny the existence of this machine. An official US spokesman said “We do believe that these people believe that they saw something. However I can categorically confirm that the sighting were not a fabled Petronas bike but in fact a natural phenomenon caused by the refraction of sunlight filtering through our atmosphere.”

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